Todays annoyance is Small Children
You have probably seen me whriting on this subject before, but due to this holliday that brings kids from out of their containments *shudder* I feel it's a good public service. We all have our own reasons for disliking small children. I don't really think I should list all the possible reasons because, due to its length, Blogger might restrict my bandwith. So go ahead and strap on your helmet (to protect from head explotions) and list off a few reasons you dislike children. -- Now by now you should be thinking something allong the lines of, "What are children good for?" or, "What were my parents thinking?" or, "Im in the mood for garlic bread." This in mind, now think of the Carmella people who say crap like "Children are our future," or, "The ultimate joy in the universe is seeing a child." Pisses you off, doesn't it? This messing with your minds is fun. Its kind of like the "Hate Week" in the book, 1984. Awesome.
Take extra percautions when handling children this holliday season. Happy Haloween!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
10-30-07 Bonus Annoyance
WTF!? In my search for a good haloween ad, look at the crap I found!:
This is an email I got from Pizza Hut:
$10.99 – What a spooky deal Really? Whats spooky about that?
Trick or Cheese! WHAT-THE-F*CK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!
Everyone knows the best treats have extra inside Really? I didn't know that. Maybe its because it DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!
There’s nothing as scary as a pizza without ENOUGH CHEESE! Really? How about some guys head being eaten alive?
A deal so good, its spooky! Really? How about you die of the plague and burn in hell.
Very upsetting to me.
This is an email I got from Pizza Hut:
$10.99 – What a spooky deal Really? Whats spooky about that?
Trick or Cheese! WHAT-THE-F*CK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!
Everyone knows the best treats have extra inside Really? I didn't know that. Maybe its because it DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!
There’s nothing as scary as a pizza without ENOUGH CHEESE! Really? How about some guys head being eaten alive?
A deal so good, its spooky! Really? How about you die of the plague and burn in hell.
Very upsetting to me.
10-30-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Halloween Comercials
It's a SPOOKY SALE!! and its ass. These idiot companies think there being clever by saying "HOWL-O-WEEN," "YOU SHOULD GOST TO OUR STORE" but its ASS! Don't try to be funny! It's not going to work. Without fail, they always fail...um...yeah. I'm drowning in failure!! If you have found an ad that has to do with haloween and is only slightly ass, post it here and i'll send you as much money is in my pocket right now. ($4)
It's a SPOOKY SALE!! and its ass. These idiot companies think there being clever by saying "HOWL-O-WEEN," "YOU SHOULD GOST TO OUR STORE" but its ASS! Don't try to be funny! It's not going to work. Without fail, they always fail...um...yeah. I'm drowning in failure!! If you have found an ad that has to do with haloween and is only slightly ass, post it here and i'll send you as much money is in my pocket right now. ($4)
Monday, October 29, 2007
10-29-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Halloween Blood Drives
Well aren't you funny?! "I KNOW, LETS HAVE A BLOOD DRIVE FOR HALOWEEN! CUZ IT'S LIKE, BLOOD, AND YOU KNOW, CUZ...haloween...and...OH WAIT!! THATS REALLY STUPID! I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF!!!"
Or thats how I wish the conversation went.
Well aren't you funny?! "I KNOW, LETS HAVE A BLOOD DRIVE FOR HALOWEEN! CUZ IT'S LIKE, BLOOD, AND YOU KNOW, CUZ...haloween...and...OH WAIT!! THATS REALLY STUPID! I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF!!!"
Or thats how I wish the conversation went.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
10-25-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance comes to us from Daniel in Murrieta
Todays annoyance is Car Comercials
TODAY ONLY!! Even though its for a week THE GIANT USED CAR TENT EVENT!!Oh, wait, its "Certified Pre-Owned" We have every kind of car ever produced!!Exept for the one you wantCOME NOW OR WE'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!!
Why do these companies think we care? I know whenever a car comercial comes on my TV, my eyes gloss over, my head falls back, and I dream of insane purple bunnies. They come...and talk about...murder...and candy......the......bunnies.........
Todays annoyance is Car Comercials
TODAY ONLY!! Even though its for a week THE GIANT USED CAR TENT EVENT!!Oh, wait, its "Certified Pre-Owned" We have every kind of car ever produced!!Exept for the one you wantCOME NOW OR WE'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!!
Why do these companies think we care? I know whenever a car comercial comes on my TV, my eyes gloss over, my head falls back, and I dream of insane purple bunnies. They come...and talk about...murder...and candy......the......bunnies.........
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
10-24-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is This Goddamn Fire
As you know these fires have been burning for about 4 days now. WELL I'M ADMITTING IT NOW: It was my fault. We were just having a simple burning at the stake, but decided to add a little more flame. Well, hey, if you were burning Rosie O'Donnel, you'd add more flame too! Anyway, our vitamin G (gassoline) was sprayed everywhere, and one thing lead to another, and these goddamn fires broke out! "Who cares," you say? Heres the thing: ROSIE ESCAPPED!!! Now, emergency crews are covering up their search for O'Donnel by saying there's fires and having everyone evacuating. Hopefully if we torch SD, Rosie's dead body will be found!
As you know these fires have been burning for about 4 days now. WELL I'M ADMITTING IT NOW: It was my fault. We were just having a simple burning at the stake, but decided to add a little more flame. Well, hey, if you were burning Rosie O'Donnel, you'd add more flame too! Anyway, our vitamin G (gassoline) was sprayed everywhere, and one thing lead to another, and these goddamn fires broke out! "Who cares," you say? Heres the thing: ROSIE ESCAPPED!!! Now, emergency crews are covering up their search for O'Donnel by saying there's fires and having everyone evacuating. Hopefully if we torch SD, Rosie's dead body will be found!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
10-21-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Consciousness
Why on earth do humans need to be awake? Is there some pressing evolutionary need that says
that we aren't allowed to sleep for more that about 10 hours? Come to think of it, there are a lot
of things in evolution that are unnecessary. Like...jumping. Can't we just get rid of that all
together? When was the last time you jumpped? Exactly. You have no answer. Just remember,
Consciousness: The annoying time between sleep. Go back to bed
Why on earth do humans need to be awake? Is there some pressing evolutionary need that says
that we aren't allowed to sleep for more that about 10 hours? Come to think of it, there are a lot
of things in evolution that are unnecessary. Like...jumping. Can't we just get rid of that all
together? When was the last time you jumpped? Exactly. You have no answer. Just remember,
Consciousness: The annoying time between sleep. Go back to bed
Saturday, October 20, 2007
10-20-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Kiddie Cartoons
If you are cursed with children or know someone with children or have ever had the unfortunate experience of being in the same room with a child under 7 years, you know that they are, without exception, totally insane. Now, they can't have been born with this condition; it's a learned trait. Where do they get it, you ask? (You don't ask but i'm pretending like you care for this transition) They get it from the insane TV shows they watch. To watch a TV show designed for little kids can be compared to a few different things depending on the age group. For shows for 1-3 year olds, it's like being an alien in a gay wonderland of some kind. (Barney, Telitubbies) Shows targeting 3-5 year olds have stupid super-heroes that are INCREDIBLY lame. This is the time where the children buy every collectible piece of crap made for the characters. Finally, the 5-7 year olds have the worst: an attempt at a social drama of some kind that involves someone very loud yelling something very unimportant. Children are a plague of our planet. If you see one that is incorrectly tagged and leashed, please call the anti child extermination agency. If you are approached by one, slowly back away and throw anything with sugar at them. Hopefully they'll go away.
If you are cursed with children or know someone with children or have ever had the unfortunate experience of being in the same room with a child under 7 years, you know that they are, without exception, totally insane. Now, they can't have been born with this condition; it's a learned trait. Where do they get it, you ask? (You don't ask but i'm pretending like you care for this transition) They get it from the insane TV shows they watch. To watch a TV show designed for little kids can be compared to a few different things depending on the age group. For shows for 1-3 year olds, it's like being an alien in a gay wonderland of some kind. (Barney, Telitubbies) Shows targeting 3-5 year olds have stupid super-heroes that are INCREDIBLY lame. This is the time where the children buy every collectible piece of crap made for the characters. Finally, the 5-7 year olds have the worst: an attempt at a social drama of some kind that involves someone very loud yelling something very unimportant. Children are a plague of our planet. If you see one that is incorrectly tagged and leashed, please call the anti child extermination agency. If you are approached by one, slowly back away and throw anything with sugar at them. Hopefully they'll go away.
Friday, October 19, 2007
10-19-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Lack of Ideas
Annoyance is rampant in this day and age, so why can't I think of anything? Going through my day looking for annoyances, i've got nothing! So today is special. Instead of being annoyed, make a big, 'ole batch of wassle. Heres the recipe:
Ingredients:
1 gallon apple cider
1 tsp whole cloves
2 tsp whole all spice
2 3" cinnamon sticks
2/3 cup sugar
2 oranges studded with whole cloves
Method:
Mix cider, cloves, all spice, cinnamon sticks, and sugar in a large pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes. Strain before pouring into serving bowl. Garnish with floating sliced oranges studded with whole cloves.
Annoyance is rampant in this day and age, so why can't I think of anything? Going through my day looking for annoyances, i've got nothing! So today is special. Instead of being annoyed, make a big, 'ole batch of wassle. Heres the recipe:
Ingredients:
1 gallon apple cider
1 tsp whole cloves
2 tsp whole all spice
2 3" cinnamon sticks
2/3 cup sugar
2 oranges studded with whole cloves
Method:
Mix cider, cloves, all spice, cinnamon sticks, and sugar in a large pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes. Strain before pouring into serving bowl. Garnish with floating sliced oranges studded with whole cloves.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
10-18-07 Infos
If you read the blog regularly, you've heard references to "The Great Book of the Universe." Maybe you've wondered what amazing secrets are contained within. Well, now you can! Coppies of the book will soon be avaliable for purchase!*
*Some amazing materials are so amazing that your head will explode. You should always wear a helmet when reading the book anyway in case of head explotions. Unfortunatley some materials are too amazing and will need to be sensored.
*Some amazing materials are so amazing that your head will explode. You should always wear a helmet when reading the book anyway in case of head explotions. Unfortunatley some materials are too amazing and will need to be sensored.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
10-17-07 Annoyance draft
Todays annoyance is Misplaced Condiments
According to the great book of the universe (Pages 4310-4368) there are SET RULES as to the placement of various table condiments. (Ketchup, mustard, salt, ect.) Until the book comes out, I have this handy list of common uses:
1.Ketchup--To be stored in the: Refridgorator ("No, I like it warm" NO! KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE)
2.Mustard--To be stored in a cupboard (You don't chill mustard)
3.Salt--To be kept on the table (If you keep it in the cupboard you are an automatic ass- hole. Making people spend effort is evil)
I'm sure you could come up with some more.
According to the great book of the universe (Pages 4310-4368) there are SET RULES as to the placement of various table condiments. (Ketchup, mustard, salt, ect.) Until the book comes out, I have this handy list of common uses:
1.Ketchup--To be stored in the: Refridgorator ("No, I like it warm" NO! KEEP IT IN THE FRIDGE)
2.Mustard--To be stored in a cupboard (You don't chill mustard)
3.Salt--To be kept on the table (If you keep it in the cupboard you are an automatic ass- hole. Making people spend effort is evil)
I'm sure you could come up with some more.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
10-16-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is 9-11
On the date of September 11, 2001 some terrorists had jammed spikes up their asses which caused them to crash into the world trade centers. (Obvious correlation) But when people want to refer to this event, they shorten it to 9-11. (A well known fact) The thing is; when you say 9-11, your referring to two numbers. An example: "I lost someone on 9-11." You were attacked by the 9? Or was it the 11? (The well known troublemaker) You stepped on some numbers, tripped and fell? Another example: "9-11 was a terrible day for America." Ok, ill give you the day, but what year are you referring to? September 11, 2007 was a fine for me; I think I had some cheerios, a chicken sandwich for lunch, attended a burning at the stake, and took a nap in English class. I don't know what kind of atomic headache you had to make you so pissy to say it was a "terrible day for America" So, folks, whenever you see an 11 or a dash or a 9 watch out! They might just ruin your day, apparently.
On the date of September 11, 2001 some terrorists had jammed spikes up their asses which caused them to crash into the world trade centers. (Obvious correlation) But when people want to refer to this event, they shorten it to 9-11. (A well known fact) The thing is; when you say 9-11, your referring to two numbers. An example: "I lost someone on 9-11." You were attacked by the 9? Or was it the 11? (The well known troublemaker) You stepped on some numbers, tripped and fell? Another example: "9-11 was a terrible day for America." Ok, ill give you the day, but what year are you referring to? September 11, 2007 was a fine for me; I think I had some cheerios, a chicken sandwich for lunch, attended a burning at the stake, and took a nap in English class. I don't know what kind of atomic headache you had to make you so pissy to say it was a "terrible day for America" So, folks, whenever you see an 11 or a dash or a 9 watch out! They might just ruin your day, apparently.
Monday, October 15, 2007
10-15-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is The Barbecue Sauce Effect
This phenomenon is very easy to explain: Everything sounds like it would be great with barbecue sauce but truly, its disgusting. Ever try to put BBQ sauce on a chicken taco? Sounds good, no? You wouldn't believe how gross it was! Made me want to stapple my head to the floor! (A difficult task, by the way.) Lets go ahead and eliminate BBQ sauce from the planet. Go to your refrigerator, take out the sauce and place it in your trash can. I command you.
This phenomenon is very easy to explain: Everything sounds like it would be great with barbecue sauce but truly, its disgusting. Ever try to put BBQ sauce on a chicken taco? Sounds good, no? You wouldn't believe how gross it was! Made me want to stapple my head to the floor! (A difficult task, by the way.) Lets go ahead and eliminate BBQ sauce from the planet. Go to your refrigerator, take out the sauce and place it in your trash can. I command you.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
10-11-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Everyone's a Winner
I come to you today as a concerned citizen. Our human gene pool is being polluted by people who say that "everyone's a winner." If you go to your local park on a Saturday afternoon, chances are, there will be a kiddie sport of some kind. Assuming that one of the sides will lose, their "coaches" will tell them that they did a good job, and that as long as they had fun, they won too. ERRRRNT, WRONG!!!! They lost! They fail at life! They need to be eliminated from the human race! But silly federal laws make this task difficult. Here's the scary part: these people are your underlings! Without a proper sense of winning and losing, they just morph into one big glob of non-caringness! Your structure of people will crumble as if you were building a structure out of wheat thins! Has anyone ever done that? Go try it now. I command you.
I come to you today as a concerned citizen. Our human gene pool is being polluted by people who say that "everyone's a winner." If you go to your local park on a Saturday afternoon, chances are, there will be a kiddie sport of some kind. Assuming that one of the sides will lose, their "coaches" will tell them that they did a good job, and that as long as they had fun, they won too. ERRRRNT, WRONG!!!! They lost! They fail at life! They need to be eliminated from the human race! But silly federal laws make this task difficult. Here's the scary part: these people are your underlings! Without a proper sense of winning and losing, they just morph into one big glob of non-caringness! Your structure of people will crumble as if you were building a structure out of wheat thins! Has anyone ever done that? Go try it now. I command you.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
10-10-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Stupid People
Not really. Todays annoyance is more like the stupid peoples mentality. Rule #29 of the universe states that the stupider a person is, the more intelligent they think they are. As one that practically drowns in peoples stupidity every day, I have personal experience with this. Take this person (Not to say any names; Katie Daley) today we were asked how many states are in the US. She was in the middle of painting her nails yellow and texting her BFF and yelled out, "54!!" As many people shouted, "No..." she said, "um, yeah it is" and gave us a look like we were the stupidest people on earth. See her mom here. Breaking news: Theres 54 states now. Contact your local map retailer for updated maps
Not really. Todays annoyance is more like the stupid peoples mentality. Rule #29 of the universe states that the stupider a person is, the more intelligent they think they are. As one that practically drowns in peoples stupidity every day, I have personal experience with this. Take this person (Not to say any names; Katie Daley) today we were asked how many states are in the US. She was in the middle of painting her nails yellow and texting her BFF and yelled out, "54!!" As many people shouted, "No..." she said, "um, yeah it is" and gave us a look like we were the stupidest people on earth. See her mom here. Breaking news: Theres 54 states now. Contact your local map retailer for updated maps
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
10-9-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance of the day is Karmic Retrobution
If you think I just sneezed those last words, you probably shouldn't read this post. You probably shouldn't be near any electronics at all. You might have difficulty operating a toaster. (Don't worry, I do too.) What I mean be Karmic Retrobution, has to do with Karma. This is like the evil-ass santa that sits on a tree near your head and watches what you do. Than when you do something bad, he burns you at the stake. Ok, not really that bad, but you get the idea. Santa in general pisses me off. He travels around the world, and makes toys all over the place, yet is still fat? He probably burns more calories in one hour than I burn in 3 days! Anyway, I've lost interest due to the fact that my cookies are done. I've got cookies and you don't! Ha Ha!
Monday, October 8, 2007
10-8-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Smahl Mahsles
(This must be read in your best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice)
Aee geht reelee anoyed when peepl dohnt hav reelee beeg mahsls laek mee. GROH MOR MAHSLS PEEPL! Eet reelee eesn't dat hard, jahst dreenk meelk. Dreenk mohr meelk to groh strahng mahsls. Laul.
*Think this AOTD sucks? So do I! Send me your better annoyances so I can post them
(This must be read in your best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice)
Aee geht reelee anoyed when peepl dohnt hav reelee beeg mahsls laek mee. GROH MOR MAHSLS PEEPL! Eet reelee eesn't dat hard, jahst dreenk meelk. Dreenk mohr meelk to groh strahng mahsls. Laul.
*Think this AOTD sucks? So do I! Send me your better annoyances so I can post them
Sunday, October 7, 2007
10-7-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Bogo
Yes, that bogo that means "Buy One Get One" But wtf is that supposed to mean? NEWS FLASH: If you buy one, you'll get one!!! I guess whoever made up that ass acronym doesn't know that most of the world is familiar with the barter system. Shouldn't it be Bogof, anyway? That would tell the reader that you get one free. Come on, you know you like saying bogof. Its like chimichangas; you don't espscialy like them, but you buy them because its fun to say.
Yes, that bogo that means "Buy One Get One" But wtf is that supposed to mean? NEWS FLASH: If you buy one, you'll get one!!! I guess whoever made up that ass acronym doesn't know that most of the world is familiar with the barter system. Shouldn't it be Bogof, anyway? That would tell the reader that you get one free. Come on, you know you like saying bogof. Its like chimichangas; you don't espscialy like them, but you buy them because its fun to say.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
10-6-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Under-used Menu Items
I have a fairly old phone and when I schedule an event on my calendar, I can choose a "category" to put it in. These include: Meeting, Phone Call, Medical, Birthday, and Vacation. I have never used anything other that the first two options for the whole time i've had the phone. My yahoo calendar has 27 options and I don't use more than 4. Do we really need a category for "Schedule Vet Appointment"?! We need useful categories like "Pie Baking," "Burning at the Stake," and "Taxidermey"
I have a fairly old phone and when I schedule an event on my calendar, I can choose a "category" to put it in. These include: Meeting, Phone Call, Medical, Birthday, and Vacation. I have never used anything other that the first two options for the whole time i've had the phone. My yahoo calendar has 27 options and I don't use more than 4. Do we really need a category for "Schedule Vet Appointment"?! We need useful categories like "Pie Baking," "Burning at the Stake," and "Taxidermey"
Friday, October 5, 2007
10-5-07 Bonus Annoyance
Todays bonus annoyance is Smores
Apparently, the person who made the word smore was an avid LSD user, due to the fact that it tells you NOTHING ABOUT THE FOOD. Smore, of course, is an ass combination of the words Some and More; indicating that you want more. More of what? Nothing in the title can tell us! It should be a combo of Gram Cracker, Chocolate, and Marshmellow. How about "gramarcolate"? Or "marcrakolate"? The dumb-ass that I am, I'm enabling the word by using it in the previous post.
P.S. I don't give a crap that I misspelled marshmellow. Thats how it should be spelled.
Apparently, the person who made the word smore was an avid LSD user, due to the fact that it tells you NOTHING ABOUT THE FOOD. Smore, of course, is an ass combination of the words Some and More; indicating that you want more. More of what? Nothing in the title can tell us! It should be a combo of Gram Cracker, Chocolate, and Marshmellow. How about "gramarcolate"? Or "marcrakolate"? The dumb-ass that I am, I'm enabling the word by using it in the previous post.
P.S. I don't give a crap that I misspelled marshmellow. Thats how it should be spelled.
10-5-07 Annoyance
Todays annoyance is Temperature Complainers
Today in San Diego, it was an unusually cold {60 degrees(I know, were all spoiled bitches)} and the people who have a habit of complaining on hot days complained that it was too cold. You brought it on yourselves, stupid! Its all your fault and now we should burn you at the stake. Not for anger issues, just because i'm in the mood for smores.
Today in San Diego, it was an unusually cold {60 degrees(I know, were all spoiled bitches)} and the people who have a habit of complaining on hot days complained that it was too cold. You brought it on yourselves, stupid! Its all your fault and now we should burn you at the stake. Not for anger issues, just because i'm in the mood for smores.
Welcome Back
I take no responsibility for the lack of annoyances for the last few months. Lets just say there was an incident involving two circus midgets, a bottle of mayo, 4,000 crayons and a stapler. Don't ask.
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